In America we eat man semen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
