So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
