One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the day after is always just damage control
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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