i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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