You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
