dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
