At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize