Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
