its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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