Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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