I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
