I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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