Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
