I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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