He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
