i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
