dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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