I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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