There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i think i just lost a toe
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
