I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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