even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am one with the molecules
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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