tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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