do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
