U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
