I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
