Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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