I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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