I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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