I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
