I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
