I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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