My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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