blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
