I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
honey bunches of taint.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
