Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
