Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
