I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All the doctor said was why
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
