Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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