He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
