Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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