Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
