Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she smelled like a LAN party
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
