There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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