How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
