It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
