If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
