Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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