you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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