Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
