mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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