While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
