Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
