Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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