I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
