false alarm. still invincible.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
