just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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