It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
