it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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