Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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