Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Plan B is the new Plan A
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
