I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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