Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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