Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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