with your own penis?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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