I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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