Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
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I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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