Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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